If Operating Systems Ran the Airlines

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on …

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do what with the seat?”

Windows XP Airlines

Looks really nice, everybody smiles, but your ticket never arrives in time for take off, and when you call for information about your ticket you are put on hold for 30 minutes. Once the Techie finally picks up the phone he tells you that your problem is being looked into, but you can go to some forums where customers are trying to solve the problem on their own. When you get to the Airport to board the plane you are asked for your password, but the password you entered is wrong. So you try again, and then again, and once more, but you find that you are locked out of the terminal because you tried to enter your password too many times. You will need to contact the Terminal Administrator to have your password emailed to you within 3 business days, but it is Friday. You decide to try a password recovery program supplied by a third-party company, but it downloads a virus and some extra spyware to the terminal. Next thing you know the entire Airline is shutdown due to viruses, and the Microsoft Airlines Techies predict that the Airlines will be back up and running in minimal time… Three weeks later, after your flight has been cancelled and you were refused refund. When called the Microsoft Techies blame the problem on you and not the fact that they left the holes in their own systems. You decide not to sue them because they have the best lawyers in the country.

Courtesy: http://www.open.org/~hughesa/humor/operating-systems.htm

Thoughts to ponder

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If a pig loses it’s voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?

Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is it that when we bounce a check, the bank charges us more of what they already know we don’t have any of?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with. When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip’s Screwdriver?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why can’t you make another word using all the letters in “anagram”?

Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?

Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why don’t tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

“I am.” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I Do.” is the longest sentence?

If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn’t a Portuguese person be called a Portugoose?

Why is a procrastinator’s work never done?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”

Courtesy: http://www.open.org/~hughesa/humor/many.htm

Tweak Mozilla Firefox

Firefox- Faster page loading.

1. Type “about:config” into the address bar and hit return. Scroll down and look for the following entries:network.http.pipelining
network.http.proxy.pipelining
network.http.pipelining.maxrequests

Normally the browser will make one request to a web page at a time. When you enable pipelining it will make several at once, which really speeds up page loading.

2. Alter the entries as follows: (by double clicking them)

Set “network.http.pipelining” to “true”

Set “network.http.proxy.pipelining” to “true”

Set “network.http.pipelining.maxrequests” to some number like 30. This means it will make 30 requests at once. (I changed mine to 500, works great.)

3. Lastly right-click anywhere and select New-> Integer. Name it “nglayout.initialpaint.delay” and set its value to “0″. This value is the amount of time the browser waits before it acts on information it recieves

Thoughts for the day

What happened to the first 6 “ups”?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

Who were the beta testers for Preparation A through Preparation G?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

Why do women shave off their eyebrows, then paint them back on?

Do bald people have ‘bad head’ days?

What does Queen Elizabeth sing during the British national anthem? “God Save Me”?

If all is not lost, where is it?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe him, but if he tells you that a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a “whack”?

You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?

What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free?

If Jesus was Jewish, what’s he doing with a Mexican name?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Why do they sterilize the needle for a lethal injection? What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it a hostage situation?

Courtesy: http://www.open.org/~hughesa/humor/many.htm

Wish… My Life

I don’t know why but I generally get obsessed to branded stuffs. I have a logic which is very simple for anything I prefer to go by brands. I always love to have the best of the best say right from Armani to Zegner when it comes to fabrics but I won’t say I’m not blessed for not wearing any of those things but ceratinly feel that a day or two I will surely have one of those brands in my wardrobe. I always prefer or want to live a life like the following

1. Morning brunch with the best cuisines in France and end it with a champagne

2. Luncheon with the most fabulous things on earth and have it until I quench my thirst and hunger.

3. A candle night dinner.

4.Finally end the day with a drink.

All the above mentioned stuff should be the best I mean the best forget the price just for a day I really want to live a day like this.